On Relationships

I have had one relationship that really counts. I have had a few that lasted any where between 30 minutes (long story) to one week, but the one relationship that counts was on and off for two years. Nothing good comes from a teenage relationship, much less on that is off and on. And, I can assure, nothing good came from this relationship except for my own personal growth.
I truly believe that every relationship, whether it be with a complete stranger or with God (who has the most intimate relationship with you than anyone), happens because it can teach you. I don't think that they were predestined to happen or that our lives are already written out; however, the past is only useful if we learn from it. So, every relationship has something to teach us.
I am notorious for toxic relationships. Most of my friendships have left me with emotional and physical scars and this one boyfriend has left a pretty deep emotional scar. It isn't his fault though, but my own.
I did not know myself well enough to trust someone else to figure me out. I let myself give and give without ever asking what I should have asked for in return. I never asked myself if I truly loved him or if I was in such a bad place that the offer of attention was enough to buy my affection. I never looked at how I felt about him, but only at how my heart beat when he said nice things or touched me. I never knew myself well enough to know what the relationship meant or was ever going to mean to me, and it ended badly.
I think most failings in immature relationships radiates from the fact that very few teenagers truly know who they are. They know who they want to be and what they like and what interests them and who interests them, but they don't know themselves. They don't know what they need to be nourished and what they need help with and what good and bad traits they have. (We do have an overflowing pride and sense of worth however which is never good in a relationship.)
When you date someone, every piece of your relationship is magnified. Whereas an insult here and there in a friendship wouldn't bug you as much, a huge, explosive argument will be started in a relationship. The intimacy that a relationship contains when handled by anyone makes small things seem much more drastic, but give that intimacy to a teenager and all hell breaks lose. The combination of hormones and the increasingly hard to ignore pressure from society will never end well. The race to be an adult is becoming more and more important, but the want to live hard and fast is hard to balance with every day life. Then teenagers are told to add the stress of a boy or girlfriend or they are weird because apparently our lives are nothing more than check boxes where first kiss and first boyfriend rests as we wait around to die.
I am off track, but basically being a teenager is hard enough with the stress of high school, the expectations of our parents and friends, and the never ending onslaught of hormones and the culture constantly appealing to our hormones. Then we throw a fucking boyfriend into the mix just because we don't want to be 16 and never been kissed. This leads to teenagers juggling everyone else, but never taking the time to discover who they are without the context of the world.
I personally need someone to pull me out of my head or my depression while understanding that sometimes I do need a break. I need someone to remind that I am always still growing and one mistake or obstacle is no big deal. I need someone who can pray with me and tell me that is going to be okay. I need someone who will let me show my love through baking and creating because I am still getting the hang of words. Knowing all of this is critical when it comes to a relationship, but it is not all that you need to know.
Relationships are hard. They are complicated. They are messy. They are brilliant if done correctly (because yes, Lauren, relationships are fucking equations. There really is no correct way to do a relationship, but if you feel empty or worse in one than out of one, get the fuck out of it.)
All I am asking is to take some time to figure out yourself before adding the emotions and needs of another person into your life. Friendships are full time jobs too, but they don't ask for the same amount of openness that loving someone romantically does.